Sunday's activities

Last night I got in bed and set up my computer on my lap to update the blog before I went to sleep. Guess what? I went to sleep anyway. So I apologize to those family members who were waiting to hear about our day with Grandpa. I was going to say Dad/Grandpa but I remembered that all who call him Dad were here. :) That was the most wonderful thing about yesterday. Rosie and Jim had left Indiana on Saturday evening following a wedding that Jim participated in. They had planned to stop to sleep and come in sometime on Sunday. Richard had arrived in Florida on Wednesday night and Paul and JoAnne made last minute plans and arrived here on Saturday evening. Nila came Thursday morning. We picked Grandma up at the nursing home and we all spent most of the day at the Hospice facility with Grandpa. B.J. had gone over to visit Grandpa and was there when we arrived. One of the things that we had wanted to do was sing for Grandpa together as a family as we had done so often in our younger years. Rosie had printed out the words to several favorite songs and brought them with her. Grandma had a collection of hymnals (I have teased her and accused her of stealing them from the churches) and I found the ones that had a song in it that we used to sing as a family. We must have sung about 10 songs in between tears and laughter. B.J. started to sing with us and she said as soon as she heard us she stopped singing. She said "Wow! I never knew you could sing like that. You sound like a regular quartet!" She said we could be another Jackson Five. :) It sure was fun to sing like that together again. It's been years since that has happened with all of us together. I used to sing "Stand Up For Jesus" when I tried to get Dad to stand up here at home to go eat or get out of bed. He tried to move his body in the bed in a similar fashion. During another song that we sang, he tried to keep a beat. It even seemed at times as if he were trying to sing with us or hum along.

I wanted add some information that I failed to give in an earlier post. When I explained to you about stopping the tube feedings it may have left some questions unanswered in your minds. For me, it has been hard to think of not feeding Dad. It's very hard for me to wrap my mind around that and I try not to dwell on it. One thing that the hospice nurses have explained has been helpful to me and hopefully it will be to you as well. When a person's body begins to shut down...when they are approaching the end of their life and choose to no longer eat or cannot eat, to continue to "force" feed them battles with the normal process of shutting down and creates more pain for the person. Their body is trying to shut and and the feeding tries to "jump start" things, so to speak, and that creates the discomfort. (I explained that in strictly unprofessional, layman's term and as I understand it.)

I talked with Grandma yesterday before we went in to see Grandpa about telling Grandpa that it was okay if he wanted to go be with Jesus. I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not as she kept repeating it to him so much that at one point he sort of shook his head and mumbled "uhn, uh". I took that as he is not going anywhere just yet. :) She probably didn't remember that she had said it so many times. For those of you who have seen "Finding Nemo", we have called Grandma's repetition the Dory syndrome. :) All we have to say to each other when something like that happens is "Dory". :) For those of you who don't know, Dory, played by Ellen DeGeneres, was always forgetting what she had just said. I decided that Grandma needed an emotional break and said let's take a break and go look around this beautiful facility. We went to the chapel and sat in there and talked for awhile. I suggested that Grandma not said it anymore since we didn't want him to feel like we were booting him out the door. :) We spent enough time away from the room, change of scenery and change of mental focus and when we went back to the room awhile later things were much better and she was less emotional. Later, when the nurse came into give him some meds through his feeding tube, I suggested another emotional break. (I didn't want her to see that being done.)

Sherri came in and stayed with Grandpa while all of the rest of us went out and got lunch. Grandma was so thrilled to be spending time with all of the family. She stayed with us all until late afternoon when Sherri took her back to the nursing home to eat supper and rest for awhile. We left the Grandpa earlier than usual. We were all very tired and knew that he needed rest as there had been alot of activity that day. We picked Grandma up at the nursing home and brought her back to our house for a couple of hours to be with all of the family. It was the first time that she had been here since their move to the nursing home. I was concerned about how she would react to some of the changes that I had made in the living room. They were changes that helped me to cope with the change of them moving out. Nothing drastic but helpful to me. She made no comment as we passed through their apartment to go to my kitchen. We had to use their entrance because of the ramp. She did later ask Sherri to take her to her "office" and looked for a couple of things in her desk but it wasn't as traumatic as I feared it would be.

There have been some wonderful moments for individual family members as they visited with their Dad/Grandpa these past few days. Grandpa has patted someone on the back as they laid their head on his chest and cried while they told him how much he meant to them. One had an arm lovingly rubbed, a head patted, hands squeezed, some words clearly understood...like "proud of you", "I love you", "you are very, very special". One got an enthusiastic, "you're here!" As I talked with my Daddy on Saturday and told him how much he had meant to me and reminded him of some of the funny, teasing things he had said to me as a child, he grinned. Later that day, I spoke to him and said, "Daddy, it's Lois" and he replied, "you're not Lois". (That did not upset me, by the way.) A nurse later suggested that he may have been remembering me as a little girl and not the woman he was looking at. I liked that thought. When Richard and I were in the room alone with him on Sat. night, Dad pointed (he has been doing that alot). He said, "Do you see that little boy? Do you see that man?" We wonder if he is seeing glimpses of heaven.

Sherri told me of a dream she had the night before last. It was of Grandpa at about 30 years of age riding a bicycle. She was trying to get him to stop but he wouldn't. He was having so much fun. Later he was running and running and having fun and she couldn't get him to come back in the house. She said it was a fun dream to seem him so vibrant and alive. We decided that he was going to have so much fun running and riding again when he got his new body in heaven.

If any of you have any questions at all or want to call and talk to Grandpa on the phone (we can put the phone up to his ear), please let me know. If there is anything at all that I can do to share with you in your own grieving process I will be happy to do it. We are certainly very blessed with the wonderful heritage we share in this family! Much love to all of you!

(forgive me for any errors or typos-- I am not going to waste the time right now to edit) ;-)