New territory

This time I am writing in my Dad's new room at a beautiful Hospice facility in Jacksonville. I am going to be very honest and open about the process of what took place. Someone may read this and feel like they would have made a different decision. But, talking with my precious daughter-in-law, who is a seasoned blogger, she encouraged me to share it all. It is my desire that this blog and what I share here will be a blessing to someone. Maybe, what I have experienced will help someone else at a time when they may face a similar situation.

Okay, now that I have prefaced it, here we go. Last night I got out the paperwork for Hospice to show that I had the medical power of attorney and their living will directives. As I was reading it I discovered that we were functioning outside of my parents desire for their end of life. The directives were very clear as to their intentions. Continuing to use the feeding tube in the condition that my Dad is in was directly against their desire. My brother, Richard, who is here with me at this time also read the the living will and agreed with me that we needed to discontinue the tube feeding.

This was, understandably, a tough and painful discovery! We cried together and prayed together for wisdom and strength and then went to bed only to struggle with sleep. (He went to his room and I went to mine with Sam). :) I got to the hospital early to in order to not miss the doctor on his rounds this time. I told him what we had discovered and suggested that we were not honoring our parent’s wishes and he responded, “no, you are not. I see it all the time.” He was not unkind, just direct with us. He totally supported our decision to stop the tube feeding. After we talked for awhile, he went out to the nurse's station to immediately write the orders for Hospice and in about an hour, the Hospice representative was there to talk with us and sign the papers necessary to make the move.

In the meantime, I knew that I needed to talk to Mom about this decision and I also had to check on her leg that she had been having pain in. They came to the nursing home this morning and did the test on her leg and she did not have a blood clot for which we are very thankful. She was sleeping when I went into her room so I went to find the Unit Manager/Nurse to tell her what was happening with Dad. She was in a meeting so I left a message for her and went back to Mom's room. I checked on her leg and then Mom asked me how Dad was. I told her that I was there to talk about him and then asked if she remembered years ago when they signed the papers about the the way they wanted things to be handled for them at the end of their life. She said that she did. I then told her about Rich and I and the night before and understanding that we were not following their wishes. She said that she agreed with us and that it was the right thing to do and that she had always prayed that he could go first because he would not be able to survive without her. We cried together but she continued to assure me that we were doing the right thing. I had called Frances to come and be with Mom because I didn't want to leave her alone right after and conversation like that and I knew that I would have to go back to the hospital to meet with the Hospice nurse to sign the papers.

Sam called to let me know that the nurse was ready for us so I went back to the hospital. Nila and B.J. sat with Dad while Sam and I talked with the nurse and I signed the papers. We were blessed to have a room available in a facility as it can sometimes take up to a week or more to have an empty bed for someone. Dad was transported about 1:30 this afternoon. The nurse had indicated that it would be a couple of hours before we could see Dad and that they would have a meeting with us. It didn't quite work that way. We waited in the parking lot for quite awhile watching for the ambulance to arrive. It never did. Or so we thought. There was a back entrance that we knew nothing about and he was in his room snoring away by the time we decided to check. The doctor had already checked him and had to come back to the room later to chat with us. Very nice doctor!

After we saw that he was settled in, Sherri and Mark brought Mom over to see Dad. It was quite an emotional time for Mom and the rest of us as we watched Mom love on Dad and cry for him. Mom couldn't take it any long. She turned to me and asked if I was ready to go yet...in other words, she was. So we made plans for Sherri, Mark, Rich and Nila to take Mom to supper at Cracker Barrel. Sam and I stayed in the room until NIla and and Rich returned from eating dinner. Sam and I got dinner. We wee given a patient tray of food that was YUMMY. We shared. I had so wanted to write more but I am falling aalsleep...............g'nite for now. Can't stay awake.