I had an appointment today across town and on the way home I was planning to visit with Mom and Dad. A close friend, Frances, was going to come when I went. It was her first visit to them since they moved into the nursing home. Frances and Don live behind us (we’re back-door friends) and they also attend church with us. Since we are going on our two week vacation starting next week, she wanted to be sure of where they are, etc. as she plans to rotate visits to Mom and Dad with Sherri and family. Don and Frances were part of a small group in our home that Mark led the first year that we lived in our new house. They grew to love Mom and Dad and watched the deterioration process over the past two years. Mom and Dad are very comfortable with them and love it when they visit. At least, Mom does, at this point. I have totally gotten off track. When I was about 30 minutes away from the nursing home, I called Frances to meet me. Just after I hung up, I got a phone call from Mom. She was so excited! She said, “Guess what? I didn’t have any money in my pocket and now I have $.50!!” I immediately asked her, “Did you play bingo today?” She did and she had a ball!! She told me that it was so much fun. Dad stayed in their room and she had turned the TV on for him and she went to Bingo. They play for coins – different ones at different times – and sometimes a group of ladies bring in little gifts that they play for. When Shelly, the admissions director, talked to her before about playing she said she didn’t know how and didn’t have any money. Shelly told her that she didn’t need any money but she might win some and that they would show her how to play. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face in the car after that phone call!! That was exactly what I had hoped for – that Mom would have some activities that she could enjoy and she is finally doing it.
Frances and I arrived and went into the room to visit. I had taken Dad’s harmonicas in for him…he had a small one and Mom said that he played it at the “talent show” last week in activity time. When he had played for me earlier that day he was doing quite well with little snippets of songs. We would suggest one and he’d start running through notes and another song would come out. Nothing like the old days when he played but he still did quite well. Today though was a different story. He just looked at the harmonicas, turned them over in his hand, and looked some more. When I encouraged him to play seemed to be trying to get something out of his mouth first. He kept rolling his tongue and I asked if he had something in his mouth. I got him a tissue and he spit something out. When he spit it out I got a glimpse of his tongue. I asked him to stick his tongue out and it looked weird – like it was coated with thick tan pudding. Frances saw it and said it looked like thrush. Someone came in at that moment to change out their I.D. armbands. I showed her and she said she would send his nurse in. The Unit Manager was on the floor at the time and she and their R.N. for that shift both came in to look and declared it thrush. I asked how that happens and they said usually after an antibiotic. He hasn’t been on one. The therapist came in shortly after that to take them to therapy and we were talking about it and she said a suppressed immune system can also allow that to happen. I started wondering, of course, if the trauma from the move could affect his immune system and she said it was possible. When I left they were still waiting to hear from the doctor to get orders to treat it. I can clean up bottoms, change urostomy appliances but oral stuff like that is quite disturbing to me. Always has been. When I worked in a nursing home when I was young, that was the one thing that I had trouble handling…anything gross from the mouth or nose.
Yesterday I had to do some business in the business office. I did business with Janet Jackson but she wouldn’t give me her autograph!! When we got finished doing the business (heard that word enough yet?) we chatted for awhile. We got to talking about Mom and Dad going in the nursing home and the stress that I had gone through the day before we moved them. She told me about her aunt that had been placed in a nursing home as well and some of her experiences with her aunt. I shared with her about my light-bulb moment when I realized that God could take better care of them than I could and how God had cared for them through all the stuff in Africa – grass huts, snake bites, malaria, scorpions, etc. She said, “Oh, honey, you’re making me feel all fluffy inside, whooeee!” We were talking about how it makes one wonder at times why people like her aunt and Dad have to go through this valley of apparent darkness at the end of their lives when they are ready to go home. I told her that I felt like God had given me an answer a couple of weeks ago. At this point, it’s not about Dad but about me and the people who care for him. I have things to learn and places to grow and in the caring for him, God can use those circumstances, if I let Him, to continue to grow me. I told Janet that we were going on vacation next week and she said that she was going to go visit Mom and Dad while we were gone and make sure they got some of their favorite Publix Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream!!
A couple of days ago I made the decision to let the facility do Mom and Dad’s laundry. I know that Mom used to do Grandma’s and I was planning to do it but with two people it became a constant thing of taking clothes back and forth. Everything is marked and I decided (after running it by Rosie) to give them a chance. Especially with vacation coming up. We’ll see how it goes. Mom was really stressed, though, when I told her that I was going to do that. When I got home yesterday she called me and asked me where Dad’s hearing aid was because they were going to give him a shower. I said it was either in his ear or the box they keep it in at night. She looked and said “oh, it’s in his ear”. We hung up and she called me right back. She asked what to do about the big basket of dirty laundry. I reminded her again that the facility was going to do it. She was panicky because she said the things weren’t marked. They were marked and she finally saw that and felt better. I reminded her again today that they were going to do the laundry there and that I had checked to make sure everything was marked. She seems a little better about it today. As long as everything is marked. (Smile).
Yesterday their nurse was Rosemonde from Haiti. She is so sweet and I really enjoy interacting with her. Mom is trying so hard to remember the names of the nurses, CNAs and other staff so I was going to help her. I told her this was Rosemonde and the nurse said if that is too hard you can call me Rosie. I said, “That’s my sister’s name – that should be easy to remember.” Rosie came in and gave Dad his meds and then went to get Mom’s. When she got to Mom, Mom turned her name tag over and said, “Rosemonde, that’s a pretty name.” The nurse said that she could call her “Rosie”. Mom said, “Oh, that would be easy to remember, my daughter’s name is Rosie and that would make me feel good to call you that.” That is the kind of memory thing Mom has going on right now. It amazes me how quickly this all occurred over the past several month!
Tomorrow we have a Care Plan meeting. Several people will gather and discuss the care plan for Mom and Dad. I have some concern about Dad’s eating. He is close to the point of needing to be fed. He is so distracted in the dining room by all the activity that he doesn’t eat and Mom is constantly on him to eat and then stressed and not able to eat. They have eaten in their room to help with the distraction but Mom misses the interaction in the dining room. We will discuss ideas tomorrow regarding this.
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