67 years ago today Henry John Blann and Eva Isabel Robbins were united in marriage. That began an adventure together that would take them to Africa and back three times, the birth of four children and subsequently 17 grandchildren and 23 great grandchildren. They lived in Indiana where their four children grew to adulthood and then lived in Pennsylvania, New York, Pennsylvania again and Maryland. Eight years ago, in August of 2001, they moved to Florida to be near me, their daughter, who had offered many times for them to make this change so that I would be able to care for them as they aged into role changing. That is, when the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent.
Theirs was a wonderful marriage of giving to one another, protecting and honoring each other. My mother prayed for years that God would take Dad home first. She felt that he so depended on her that if she were to go first that he wouldn’t be able to make it without her. God answered her prayer and took Dad home to heaven 4 months ago. She had no idea of the grief and loneliness that she would face as a result of that answered prayer. I have realized more than ever in these past four months how much my Dad actually protected and cared for her. His encouragement and support at times when her perfectionist nature would threaten to consume her were what she needed to balance things in her mind. As his dementia increased, that became more my role in her life.
She has just recently begun to talk about him and repeat memories that she has. These are usually triggered by sights she recognizes as we ride in the car. She will begin to cry and then apologize. This is the point when I remind her that it is normal and healthy to cry. Her dementia has increased greatly since Dad’s passing and I am sure that this is partially as a result of grief. How could one not greatly grieve the loss of someone that you have spent your whole life with – the other side of yourself?
Dementia has robbed me (and all those who have loved my parents) of the bright, wise and sharp-witted minds of these two special people. I am thankful beyond measure for the years that I did have with them and the benefits that I have reaped because of that blessing on my life. While my mother is more like a little girl at most times, her sweetness and her loving and caring nature continues to show through in many ways. Those who care for her daily have obviously come to love her. Many have made comments to me regarding her sweet nature. She continues to minister to others through her Christ-likeness. I asked her the other day about something that a nurse told me she had done (a kind gesture for another resident) she didn’t remember at all about doing it. I guess that it just comes naturally at this point! ☺ Oh, to be so naturally kind and compassionate that when I no longer have a clear mind that I would respond in kindness without thinking as Mom does.
I am blessed, as are my siblings, to have been loved, nurtured, disciplined, encouraged, rebuked, loved and encouraged (duplication not by accident) by these two imperfect people who strove for Godly perfection throughout their lives.
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