Breaking the news

JUNE 8, 2009
Tonight I talked to Mom and Dad about them moving into (I didn’t use the word “nursing home”) a place where they could live for awhile so that I could have some time for my body to heal. I wrote a letter to family and friends asking for prayer and informing them of our intentions and why. I was just praying that God would open the door at the right time for me to talk to them about it. Tonight, after supper, Sam had to go to a meeting and Mom and Dad were still sitting at the table and things seemed calm and quiet. I couldn’t seem to get the idea off my mind about talking to them about. Up until that point I had not had any inclination to say anything and hadn’t a clue where to start. As it kept coming up in my mind, I kept praying for the right time, thinking that I would get some kind of comment that would lead into it. I kept saying, “show me, open the door” and I finally got it…the time was NOW!

I had prayed for the right words to say but even more, I had lots of other people praying for me AND for them. So I started out with asking Mom if she remembered how it was when she was so tired that her Dr. told her that she could no longer care for her mother in her home. She said she did. I told her that I am at that point – that I am worn out, that my health is being affected by the care that is necessary with Dad’s needs. His physical needs, like getting him out of bed in the morning, are beginning to greatly affect me.

I told them that I had been looking and looking to find a place for them to stay while my body had a chance to heal. I told them that I was concerned because I am so tired all the time from the work that I do to care for them that I no longer have the time or energy to just be a daughter and do fun things with them. If there were to be somewhere else where someone else was doing to the work for them that needed to be done that I would have opportunity to do fun things with them again and be a daughter instead of a caretaker. I felt like they would have more stimulation in a situation where there would be activities going on and people around them more often. I told them that they would probably find that they would have a lot more company as people would be more comfortable going to see them there than in our house.

First off, Mom didn’t seem to get it. She said that she liked to be active and walk when it wasn’t raining and the puzzle she was doing was fun and she felt bad because Dad didn’t like to do anything but sit in his chair all day and sleep. Then she asked him if there was anything that he would like to do – any activity that he would enjoy. I asked her if she understood what I was saying…that this would be a place away from here where they would live while I was getting a change for my body to heal. She finally seemed to grasp it. She asked…what about our clothes? Will we have our clothes with us? Then she asked about her computer…she said that she has so much that she can do with that. I told her that she could definitely have her computer. I told them that I loved them very much and that this was a difficult thing to do. I let them know that my siblings were all in agreement that I needed to do this as were our children. Mom agreed that she didn’t want me hurting and I needed to take care of myself, (in a manner of speaking). Dad took my hand and told me how much he appreciated my taking the lead in their care. He didn’t say much. He did ask where the place was. He did ask me when I helped him up from the table if that was too much for me.

I reminded them that Rosie was coming tomorrow and that she was coming to…Mom interrupted and said, “To help with the changes?”

We chatted back and forth for awhile and then I suggested that we take a break from discussing it and they could go watch Andy Griffith for awhile. As they were leaving to head back to their living room, Mom said that it would be really nice if they could see more people…if people would come visit them

Later, when I went to get them ready for bed Mom said that she had been thinking a lot about what we had been talking about and that she thought it was a really good idea. One reason was because that meant that people would come visit them and the other reason was because I wasn’t the only one that had to care for Daddy but she had to do a lot too and that would be good not to have to do that!

This is astounding!!